I’ve been working on my memoir for years now. I’ve also spent a fair amount of time going back and forth on what exactly I want this memoir to be about. Yes, sobriety, but what else? Blog to book? A collection of essays? Expanding upon one of my viral articles into its own book? Sure, those are all valid options. But they haven’t inspired me enough to actually do the work required to take that idea to the next level: the dreaded book proposal. Now that I’ve decided what my book is about, Sober Sex, I’m finally able to give it the attention it deserves…sort of…

I quickly learned that a big part of my writing process has been not writing. Some days are spent convincing myself that I don’t know enough about Sober Sex to write a book about it. Even though I’ve published several articles on the topic and have been on top-rated podcasts discussing Sober Sex, imposter syndrome can be pretty powerful, y’all. Some days I take a writing class and feel inspired. And some days are spent working diligently on a book proposal, submitting to agents, and getting rejected by said agents. It’s a fucking roller coaster, man.

I often scroll through social media only to feel a slight tinge of resentment when a friend or acquaintance announces their new book deal. That would be you if you’d just get your shit together and write your damn book already. Then I’ll open up Google Docs of my previously written chapters, book proposals, and synopses, only to feel even more discouraged by the “last time this file was opened date”. You’ll never get a book deal if you don’t regularly open these drafts to work on them! Needless to say, I like beating myself up. In sobriety, self-loathing has become my new form of self-destruction.

Then I read Make Your Mess Your Memoir by Anna David. The first half of the book is Anna’s story (AKA her fascinating mess). The second half is how she turned her mess into her message (AKA her memoir). Anna candidly shares her personal stories of addiction, what it’s like to be a writer and TV personality, and how she became the go-to person in the world of self-publishing. She also talks numbers – my favorite part: How books become bestsellers. How much she received for her advances. How much money can be earned (and spent!) in the book business.

This book has thankfully helped me get out of my funk. Anna gives tools that make the book writing process much easier. My favorite part is the chapter outline. She shares what she calls her 10-Chapter Format. Each section essentially serves as a template and a writing prompt! For example, chapter one should be a flashback. This gives the writer a prompt to write a flashback scene that is designed to bring the reader directly to the apex of the story, keeping them engaged from the very beginning. Chapter two is where you go into your childhood, giving the reader some back story. The chapter outline is helping me structure my book and timelines. I’d go into chapter 3 and beyond, but I’ll let you buy her book to learn more!

In addition to beating myself up for not writing enough, much of my writing process consists of researching self-publishing, hybrid publishing, and traditional publishing. There are so many pros and cons for each that it’s a bit overwhelming to keep it all in line. Anna’s a fountain of knowledge on this topic as she’s the founder of Launch Pad Publishing. In this book, she thankfully goes into the realities of all publishing options.

Make Your Mess Your Memoir reminded me why I wanted to write a Sober Sex memoir in the first place: to share my messy story in hopes that it helps someone else. Like sobriety, I’ll work on my book one day at a time.