In our readings and by sharing our problem at meetings, we see that our basic troubles are the same as everyone else’s.  We share a common problem – the obsession of lust, usually combined with a compulsive demand for sex in some form.  Whatever the details of our problem were, we identified with one another on the inside – we were dying spiritually – dying of guilt, fear and loneliness as we came to see that we shared a common problem.

Our definition of sobriety represents, for us, the basic and necessary condition for lasting freedom from the pain that brought us to Sexaholics Anonymous (SA).  We have found that nothing else works. When we have tried to deny what our common experience has taught us, we have found that recovery still eludes us. And this seems to be true whether we are male or female; married or single; whether our acting out was with the same or opposite sex; whether our relationships were “committed”, “meaningful” or one night stands; or whether we just resorted to a little sex with self as a “physical outlet”.  As the men and women of Alcoholics Anonymous learned over fifty years ago, “half measures availed us nothing”.  What we have seen and heard so much about is a “happy and joyous freedom” from a state of hopelessness.  We have developed the following questions to help guide and direct our thinking, and discussions with this group and/or another member of this fellowship.  The purpose of the questions are to:

1. To help build a foundation for our current support/recovery program.
2. To help stimulate thought on what are our personal goals and commitments to recovery are.
3. To provide a short checklist for future review in evaluating our spiritual development; and the minimum requirements for maintenance guideline.

We are now taking responsibility for our own recovery by working the steps

THE PROCESS IS TO BE ENJOYED

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QUESTIONS FOR WRITING

1. What goals/results do I want from this program?
2. To what lengths am I willing to go for my sobriety?
3. When I was active in my disease, how many times did I act out per day? Week?
4. Have I discarded all of the materials and other triggers under my control? This includes, but is not limited to telephone numbers and keys.
5. Am I still feeding my lust addiction through the eyes, fantasy and/or by reliving the memories of my past adventures so,

a. How much time do I spend engaging in these activities?

b.When I do surrender, what method do I use? (white knuckle, telephone call, meeting, God)

c.How much time elapses between engagement to surrender?

d.Do I even want victory over lust?

6. When I do surrender, or surrender does me, and I can see that I can no longer enjoy lust, what happens to me?

a.Anger                   b.   Resentment          c.   Fear                      d.   Anxiety                e.   Sadness

f. Fidgety                g.   Depression              h.   Feeling of loss      i.   Emptiness

Am I starting to see a little bit that the above feelings drive me to my drug for escape, whereas surrender brings release and joy as we come back into the light.  We start to understand that we do not have to die in darkness and despair when we achieve surrender over lust.

7. Have I come to believe that I can give up lust? Am I willing not to have it even if I do die (one day at a time) one hour at a time?
8. Am I still allowing myself partial slips, enjoying the temporary relief that slips bring? Am I still“testing my limits” so..

a.When was the last time?

b.What did I do?

c.How often am I testing my limits?

d.Have I shared my partial slips with another member of SA?

e.Have I shared my partial slips with my home group?

                       f. Am I cruising the “old neighborhoods”?

g.Do I think I can stop   ?

9. How many support meetings am I attending each week?

a.Which one is my home group?

b.Do I share on a regular basis?

Am I current and honest in my sharing?

c.Do I welcome the newcomer?

d.Do I have a specific commitment at my home group or at another SA group meeting (refreshment provider, chip master, set up or clean up)?

e.Am I on time to the meetings?

f. Do I fellowship after the meetings?

g.Do I make myself available for service by leading or reading?

10. What types of meetings do I now attend?

a.Participation

b.Book Study

c.Step Study

d.Speaker

  11.How many telephone numbers have I personally solicited from another group members?

a.Are the numbers readily accessible for me to use?

b.How many calls do I make each day/week?

c.When was the last time I called a newcomer?

d.Do I know I can call just to say “I’m doing well and how are you feeling?”  I do not have to be in a bag of         or sitting and playing in it to call some.

12.Do I have a sponsor (temporary or permanent)?

a.When do I plan on having a permanent sponsor?

b.Am I afraid to call a sponsor?

c.What am I fearful of?

d.When I do call, what is the focus of my conversation?

i.People, places and/or things?

ii. Lust in my life and this is how I am surrendering or not surrendering?

e.Am I willing to make a commitment to call my sponsor 1, 2, 3, 4 times a week …. Or how about a 30 commitment; once a day for a month?

f. Do I know what days and times my sponsor is normally available?

g.Do I know who my grandsponsor is and how and when to contact him for men or her for women?

13.Do I read approved SA literature between meetings?

a.How often do I read?

i.Once a day

ii. Twice a day

iii. Once a week

iv.  Never

b.What am I reading?

i.White book

ii. Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous

iii. 12 Steps and 12 Traditions

iv. As Bill Sees It

v. Daily meditation book

vi.Other appropriate recovery/inspirational literature

c.Do I know where any of the above books are?  If so, how much dust is on them?

d.Do I read the black print or do I try to read between the lines?

e.Have I discussed the above with my sponsor?

14.Do I have a special time set aside to write/work on the 12 steps each week?

15.Am I willing to do the things that have worked for others?  Am I teachable, open and willing?

16.If I wasn’t married or in a committed relationship would I still be here? Am I seeking recovery, recuperation or convenience?

17.       Am I willing to make a commitment to the group and be held accountable?

REMEMBER

A. We are not saints.  We are willing to grow along spiritual lines

B.We have found that the measure of our commitments will be the measure of our recovery. We reap what we sow.

C.Experience has shown us that we must be part of others.

D. We can look forward to the time when the obsession – not temptation – will be gone.

E. We hope that you will find that inner peace that comes from surrender, and GOD

I hear, I forget
I see, I remember
I do, I understand