by Marc on November 8, 2020

Last post I promised to share some ideas for breaking the feedback cycle of addiction. Today I want to suggest a three-part intervention strategy for doing just that. In a nutshell, (1) tune into your emotions, (2) see what “parts” (in IFS terms) those emotions belong to, and (3) guide those parts toward helping each other to calm down and work together.

This little three-part exercise can be led by a therapist or coach or else pursued solo. And I’m certainly not claiming that it’s the be-all and end-all of intervention strategies. But after working with “Maya” for over a year (see last post), and other clients too of course, it came to me as a game-plan for helping someone having a very hard time not drinking (or engaging in other addictive habits) — especially someone who’s bright, motivated, perceptive and insightful…someone you’d expect to make progress more easily.

Over the past year, and using IFS principles more and more explicitly, Maya and I explored the conflictual relationships among her parts. Besides Madam Z, the internal critic, and Piya, the

“firefighter,” Maya’s parts included a very sad girl who could not give up her preoccupation with the tragedy of her life (which hinged on her mother’s rejection and self-denigration). Other parts came and went, and much of Maya’s internal conflict was hard to keep in consciousness or it triggered excessive waves of grief and self-rebuke. It would take too long

to survey and explain Maya’s parts (and their interactions) in this blog post. And it took a fair bit of time to figure it out ourselves. But meanwhile, Maya kept drinking large amounts of cheap wine, almost every night, wrecking her health, and reinforcing her sense of hopelessness. It was time to find a method to cut through the layers — a “technique” that could be effective with me or on her own.

So this is the three-part strategy we came up with:

1.Tune into your feelings — your emotions — as they come and go. (Starting with deep breathing and body awareness is helpful!) This is mostly just standard Buddhist “Vipassana” meditation — the practice of paying attention to whatever arises. But it’s directed toward

feelings more than perceptions, thoughts, and bodily sensations. Follow the emotions, surf them, watch them come and go, don’t think about them too much. You might expect oodles of shame and anxiety. Practice your ability to discern, because some of these emotions might be so common that they seem like background noise. There may also be streaks of unexpected emotions, such as bolts of anger, that are fundamentally aversive. With emotions like anger and fear, which have a definite object, try to be aware of who/what that object is. Is it self or other? Stay at the surface of awareness. Don’t “go deep.” Let the emotions come to you. You don’t have to go hunting.

2. Notice that each emotion is felt by one or more parts. Which part is revving up now? Anger might go with the harsh internal critic, but anger might also go with the defiant “fuck you” rebel part. Get a sense of which part is becoming activated. Shame probably goes with a very young part — perhaps a part that (in IFS terms) remains an exile…not fully conscious, perhaps actively shunned or rejected. Anxiety also may be felt by young parts — exiles, cringing, alone, scared, helpless — or by “protectors” (e.g., parts who organize or judge) who sense that they’re losing the battle for control.

Note that anxiety will usually not be experienced by firefighters. They are more reckless, and they tend to feel excitement, desire, or triumph. Notice that parts are sometimes very stuck (unchanging); other times more fluid and perhaps even growing, evolving “before your eyes.” Notice how some parts reliably trigger other parts. It’s very common for the firefighter (let’s get drunk!) to trigger the internal critic (how could you?! After last night!?!). And vice versa — but that needs to be saved for a future post.

3. The last step is to act on this internal world, i.e., to guide it as it evolves and changes. This comes with the sense of being a coach…or even a parent. IFS stresses the power of the Self — “Self” with a capital “S”. That’s the part that’s not a part. This Self is viewed as a compassionate, perceptive and aware place within oneself — a centre — that accepts and forgives the various parts along with their needs and concerns (e.g., their emotions,

their goals). So, from this place, you can soothe the anxious child, comfort him or her so there won’t be so much loneliness or dread. You can also connect with the firefighter, and coax it (in a friendly way) to relax, to look before leaping for that bottle or that pipe (see last post for an example). You can help antagonistic parts disengage, lay down their arms for awhile. For example, judging, critical parts can be asked to back off: we can tell them we appreciate their goal of keeping us out of trouble, but they’re coming on too strong and it’s not helping (e.g., too much shame, so the firefighter’s urge to drink or take drugs is amplified).

The parts can also act on each other directly, especially those parts referred to as “protectors.” For example, Maya’s internal critic, Madam Z, is conscientious and determined. She wants things to go well, so her eagle eye is tuned to drinking behaviour, especially late in the afternoon. Thus Maya found that Madam Z wasn’t always hostile and punitive. Sometimes she was more like an athletic coach. Gradually Maya is learning to use Madam Z’s industrious, exacting manner to organize her behaviour and negotiate with other parts — especially the firefighter who only wants to drink. Wait! There’s more to do. You don’t have to start drinking now. You can drink as a reward after completing your course assignment…OR…It’ll be more fun if we go for a run in the park first.

(By the way, I don’t make these things up. I could never invent these examples. They come from “Maya” and other clients like her.)

It seems to me (and it seems consistent with IFS) that internal guidance falls along a continuum, with soothing or compassion at one end and firmness or self-direction at the other end. As with good parenting, both poles are needed. But IFS shows that different parts (as well as the capital-s Self) flesh out that continuum, from one pole to the other. Also, in the mysterious language of the internal landscape, I think it’s the sense of “we” that’s most beneficial. Parts often feel alone — and in that they are relatively helpless, bound by habits they’re not skillful enough to overcome. But once there’s a “we” involved — a source of care that’s bigger than just this drive, this wish, this moment — then they can feel taken care of, they can feel stronger, more secure, and they can more effectively promote their own well-being.