Women for Sobriety

How Women for Sobriety Works

What is meant by "The Program"? How do we view it? How is it to be used?

The Women for Sobriety New Life Program is comprised of thirteen Acceptance Statements that, when internalized and used, will provide each woman with a new way of life through a new way of thinking.

As women with addictions, we must learn about ourselves and how to avoid the pitfalls of faulty thinking and destructive behavior that used to lead us to taking that first drink or drug, even though we sometimes did not want to.

Since we had a faulty approach to life and living, we must turn our attention to finding new ways of overcoming. This starts with coping first but then moving on to overcoming and a whole change in our approach to each day.

To make the program effective for you, arise each morning fifteen minutes earlier than usual and go over the thirteen Acceptance Statements. Then begin to think about each one by itself. Take one statement and use it consciously all day. At the end of the day, just before sleeping, review the use of it and what affects it had that day for you and your actions. For some, it has proven helpful to use a notebook for recording the sequences of the day and the statement's effects upon you.

To make the program effective for you, it must be consciously used each day. Never forget that our faulty thinking is a result of many years. It cannot be corrected overnight. It takes a long time to realize that most of what we thought was cast in a negative view.

The philosophy of the Women for Sobriety New Life Program is that the image precedes our actions. Whatever we think, we eventually act out. If our thoughts are always negative, our actions will also be negative. If our thoughts are positive, so are our actions. One writer once said a garden of weeds cannot produce a beautiful flower. This is also true of our minds. If we have upsetting thoughts, we cannot have a serene life.

We used to think that life was upsetting and our problems followed but it is usually the other way around. Our thoughts were confused and negative, and life's actions came to be that way also. We create our own world. No one else does. We are responsible for ourselves and our choices. What we are, we made ourselves become.

We have the power of changing our way of thinking. We live in the atmosphere created by our mind and our thoughts.

We are now beginning to create a new woman, the woman we always wanted to be but never thought possible. The Women for Sobriety New Life Program helps you to change your thinking and shows you how to be the dynamic woman you have the capability of becoming. We begin by being in charge of our actions through our thoughts. We no longer react but, now, begin to act the way we want to act. We end game playing. We become our whole person by learning independent thinking.

Negative thoughts, so much a part of the life of women in active addiction, are often carried into sobriety. These negative thoughts frequently make the sober woman unhappy and depressed. She begins to wonder if sobriety is really worth it.

We used substances to cover pain, emotional pain. When we remove the substances, we must then learn a way to remove the emotional pain, which requires a new way of thinking about life.

Our program makes sobriety a happy existence by helping us to understand ourselves better. Our sobriety is more than simply a period of time in which we are not drinking; it becomes a happy learning experience.

Learn to know yourself and your addiction. This is how to overcome.

(By Jean Kirkpatrick, Ph.D., lightly revised from original publication in 1977)

WFS New Life Program Acceptance Statements

• I have a life-threatening problem that once had me. I now take charge of my life and my well-being. I accept the responsibility.
• Negative thoughts destroy only myself. My first conscious sober act is to reduce negativity in my life.
• Happiness is a habit I am developing. Happiness is created, not waited for.
• Problems bother me only to the degree I permit. I now better understand my problems. I do not permit problems to overwhelm me.
• I am what I think. I am a capable, competent, caring, compassionate woman.
• Life can be ordinary or it can be great. Greatness is mine by a conscious effort.
• Love can change the course of my world. Caring is all-important.
• The fundamental object of life is emotional and spiritual growth. Daily I put my life into a proper order, knowing which are the priorities.
• The past is gone forever. No longer am I victimized by the past. I am a new woman.
• All love given returns. I am learning to know that I am loved.
• Enthusiasm is my daily exercise. I treasure the moments of my New Life.
• I am a competent woman, and I have much to give life. This is what I am, and I shall know it always.
• I am responsible for myself and for my actions. I am in charge of my mind, my thoughts, and my life.

To make the program effective for you, arise each morning fifteen minutes earlier than usual and go over the thirteen Acceptance Statements. Then begin to think about each one by itself. Take one statement and use it consciously all day. At the end of the day, just before sleeping, review the use of it and what affects it had that day for you and your actions.

Levels of Recovery

The WFS Acceptance Statements are the recovering woman’s guide to everyday thinking and living. As the New Life Program evolved, participants began to request a more chronological guide for their recoveries. In response, founder Dr. Jean Kirkpatrick, Ph.D., defined the following Levels of Recovery.

Level 1: Acceptance of having a Substance Use Disorder, one that requires the cessation of substance use. (Acceptance Statement 1)

We accept our addiction with the knowledge that we have a disorder and that abstinence from substances is necessary. We recognize that substances have damaged our bodies and minds, and special care and time are required for recovery. We learn more about substance use disorders and group members give needed support and the feeling of not being alone with our problems.

Level 2: Discarding negative thoughts, putting guilt behind, and practicing new ways of viewing and solving problems. (Acceptance Statements 2, 4, and 9)

We are now ready to examine our attitudes and approach to life and its dilemmas. This is a time to write down in detail our concepts, experiences, difficulties, and feelings. We may believe that we are well aware of our thinking and attitudes, but only after we have written them with total honesty do we know what they really are - not what we thought them to be. Most women are surprised by this revelation.

At this stage we must also recognize the distorted, negative, and self-destructive patterns we have developed and resolve to change. This level is difficult and takes some time. Also, during a later period of stress, we may need to return to these exercises (or review any level). This is not a matter of failure, but an opportunity to grow and change again at times of crisis.

A physical exercise routine should now be established and a method for relaxation and meditation. Group members add support and positive reinforcements.

Level 3: Creating and practicing a new self-image. (Acceptance Statements 5 and 12)

We are now ready to exchange our irrational, negative attitudes for realistic, positive thoughts about ourselves and our lives. We realize that our thoughts are responsible for our feelings and not the events, people, or situations themselves.

This level can be a happy time of growth and change. One unpleasant incident need not ruin an entire day; a mishap can be “unfortunate” and not “awful;” a mistake, “a learning experience,” not “a wretched blunder.”

We can make our environment pleasant, uncluttered and attractive and know that we alone create the world around us.

Level 4: Using new attitudes to enforce new behavior patterns. (Acceptance Statements 3, 6, and 11)

We now become aware that we do not need to wait for or to seek enthusiasm and happiness - all we need do is reach out and grasp them. We can accept a happy and enthusiastic outlook on life or we can choose a gloomy, pessimistic and cynical approach - it is up to us. This level leads us to the next stage; much of the joy in life depends on sharing with others - happiness and enthusiasm are reinforced by those to whom we are close.

Level 5: Improving relationships as a result of our new feelings about self. (Acceptance Statements 7 and 10)

This level can be difficult for most women. Our culture has taught us to be over-dependent on others - by attaching our self-esteem to our relationships and to approval from others. Our value as a person often depends on our relation to others and not on our own intrinsic worth. On the other hand, we fear and dread rejection and hurt. Now is the time to take risks - be open about our feelings - be vulnerable - balance giving and receiving. Mature, loving relationships can bring us the greatest happiness of all. And their success depends primarily on how we feel about ourselves.

Level 6: Recognizing life’s priorities: emotional and spiritual growth, self-responsibility. (Acceptance Statements 8 and 13)

As we gain in knowledge and understanding of ourselves, our connection to others and our place in the world, we find a spiritual home that is both unique and personal to us. We nurture our spiritual growth and reach out to encourage self-responsibility and self-worth, not just for ourselves, but also for others.

As a woman grows in strength and understanding in this program, the need and desire to cope with life’s problems with alcohol or drugs are removed. Her destructive behavior and emotions are replaced with self-acceptance and confidence. She is no longer just a woman with an addiction problem; she is liberated and at peace with herself and her world.

Thousands of women have found this “new life” through the WFS Program.

What Happens at Women for Sobriety Meetings?

Meetings are held at least once a week and are typically one hour to ninety minutes. WFS meetings use a discussion format, so chairs are usually placed in a circle and the ideal size is six to ten women. This provides every woman a chance to be involved in discussions if she wishes. To reduce distractions and allow everyone to feel heard, participants try to refrain from handwork, eating, and side conversations. Triggers are reduced by refraining from using specific names/brands of alcohol or drugs, not telling drinking or using stories, and coming to meetings sober, without having ingested any alcohol and/or drugs the day of the meeting.

All WFS meetings follow a structured format:

At the beginning of the meeting, the 13 Acceptance Statements and the Mission Statement are read out loud and the CM or CCM may remind the group about the guidelines. Typically, each member of the group reads one of the 13 Statements and then the entire group reads the thought-action (italicized portion).

Each woman introduces herself by saying, "My name is ____ and I am a competent woman." She then shares a positive action (how she handled a situation differently) or a feeling (she was able to identify and/or respond to differently) and selects one of the 13 Statements to which it relates.

If a participant has an urgent need for support, feedback, or encouragement, she will have an opportunity to share.

A topic will be introduced, typically based on a piece of WFS literature, and the discussion portion of the meeting begins.

At the end of the meeting, participants stand in a circle (if possible) with joined hands and recite the WFS Motto: "We are capable and competent, caring and compassionate, always willing to help another, bonded together in overcoming our addictions."

A silent donation is collected at meetings.  The suggested donation is $2 - $5 (more if possible, less if necessary); however, no one is turned away from the meeting if they are unable to give a donation.  These group donations are sent directly to the WFS office to help support the organization's services. The organization provides free literature and support to our groups in the community.

Groups are run by a WFS Certified Moderator (CM) who has established a minimum of one year of continuous sobriety and is thoroughly acquainted with the New Life Program and its philosophy. The certification process includes having read Turnabout or Goodbye Hangovers, Hello Life, demonstrating knowledge of the New Life Program when filling out the CM application, and receiving approval from the organization. CM’s are then provided with a Moderator’s Manual and other training materials.

While CM’s have demonstrated a certain level of knowledge of the New Life Program, participants should remember that they are not skilled professionals. CM’s are peers in recovery who serve as volunteer stewards of the New Life Program by coordinating meeting logistics and sharing their knowledge of the program. They may sometimes need to refer a woman to additional supports if the woman’s needs exceed the capacity of the group.

Sometimes two CM’s run a group together, or they may identify other helpers as appropriate. If you have any concerns about how a WFS meeting is run, please contact the office or a Board member.

Find a Women for Sobriety Group Near You

If you'd like to find a Women for Sobriety group near you click here. You can purchase Women for Sobriety Literature or download additional recovery literature here.

RecoveryHQ.com is not affiliated with Women for Sobriety or any of its subsidiaries. This information is provided as a resource for those seeking third-party information.